The Solution to Global Warming: Indians II

New Delhi has a population of 13 million people in almost half the area of NYC that houses 8 millions. While NYC has serious housing problems and keeps rising higher and higher buildings, New Delhi, aside from the traffic, seems unbothered by these numbers and the buildings have an average of 5 to10 floors at most. “How did you manage that, Delhi?” NYC might ask. Delhi would only shake her head assuming that NYC understood the 3000 word essay that a head-shake means in India.

In Delhi, streets are full of life. You have street barbers, Chai-wallahs, shoe fixers, seamstress, broken-waterpipes-turned-public-showers, and peoples sleeping in every corner. To the tourist, this is a “wow, this is so different. Oh, so many poor people. Wow.” To the humanitarian, this is human misery and a sad story. To the raw eye, this is people playing the cards they were dealt, with a smile. Now that is a skill we need to survive global warming. Don’t fix the universe, just change the people.

Europe has three quarters of a billion and over a dozen of languages. So, they decided that they must learn more languages to communicate better with their neighbors in the union. India has a different approach to the issue. It’s called the head shake. “How can I get to Siri Fort Rd?” Answer: head shake. “How old are you?” Answer: head shake. “Did you do Namaz today?” Answer: headshake. “Do you want some Chai Masala?” Answer: head shake. “Is that blood? Do you need an ambulance?” Answer: head shake. This universal head shake can be a broad spectrum of meanings. In fact, it can mean whatever the headshaker wants it to mean. The magic behind this language is that the observant would understand what it means every single time.

What is the head shake? The head shake is the rotation of one’s chin while the point at the tip of one’s head is fixed. To practice such maneuver, place your left hand at the top of your head, and tilt you chin right and left. Keep doing so, until you feel confident to remove your hand. Now, you can speak the language of the headshake … but you can’t understand it. To understand it, you must have some Indian blood in you!

Though, I found that Indians have what might be fatal to their capacity of surviving global warming days – an obsession with fair skin. I did not realize the significance of the issue until I saw Johnny Abrams running shirtless on a beach in an advertisement for Garnier skin whitener lotion … for men. My jaw dropped. It is true, the white race males have been to tanning salons, but never ever McDreamy advertised a tanning solution. That is just unacceptable. But, don’t worry; my plan will take care of this issue. When brown is mixed with white it gives a tan color, thus my plan will produce a perfectly tanned world.

With the Indian genes spread across the world, more people will have the chance of surviving. We shall start in Germany, to help preserve their engineering skills.

And that is how the human race is saved.