Philly -- July 10th - 12th
Austin -- July 17th - 19th
Fort Worth -- July 24th - 26th
LA -- July 31st - Aug 2nd
Dallas -- Aug 7th - 9th
Chicago -- Aug 14th - 16th
(San Diego or Southern Carolina TBD) -- Aug 21st - 23rd
Dallas -- Aug 28th - 30th
(TBD) -- Sep 4th - 6th
San Juan, Peurto Rico -- Sep 11th - 12th
San Fran -- Sep 18th - 20th
San Salvador -- Sep 25th - 27th
(TBD) -- Oct 2nd - 4th
On my way to the Mosque today, I stopped for an accident that had just happened. There was a large SUV flipped on its side, and a white Lexus that has no front or engine any more. A group of people were helping the SUV guy climb out of the car. I ran out there to help.
All involved in the accidents were fine. Albeit, extremely shocked. Neither drivers could say anything. Just nodding or mumbiling some voices to answer our questions. The cops were called. Luckily, an ambulance driving by stopped to help as well.
The Lexus driver had some cuts on his arms and all. I walked over to ask him to get some bandage on the cuts by the medics around. He was shaking. Didn't say anything.
"sir?"
"Shit, my daughter just totalled her car last week. fuck, shit," was first thing he said.
It is tough having a handicapped brain. See, my 8th grade Math teacher pretty much told my father that I am retard. No joke, this is a true story. In the parents-teachers meeting, he told my father that I suffer from slow learning disability and it takes me longer than all of my classmates to "get" something. Though, do you know what was so missed up about it? I was there listening to my teacher telling my dad that I am an idiot.
Over the years, these words of ultimate, pure, genuine constructive feedback resonated in my head. Kind of like one of these psycho movie scenes where someone is high on cocaine and scared of his talking shadow. Or may be like a bee that keeps flying around my head hitting the interior walls of my skull. The poor bee gets tired and goes into hibernation, but she comes back stronger and faster. She, the bee, has been living in my head for so long that I could predict when she's coming out of hibernation, which is mostly when it takes me a little bit longer than expected to reply to some common comment as "you look tired today," or a subtle hint "You know the Omni's has free shirt pressing if you stay there," or my favourite "I like your shirt." See, it is not because I am mentally handicapped that I can't reply to such simple comments. It is because I look for the witty, clever, stunning alternative to those over-used, abused, lame, boring, "I was up late last night," "Thank you, I prefer to iron my own shirts," or "Thank you for approving my shirt." It is true it takes me a little bit longer than normal, but only if people wait on me and not give me the "uuhh .. okk ...awkward" look, I would be stunning people with my cleverness and humor left and right. Unfortunately though, the "uuuhh .. ookk ... awkward" look wakes up the bee inside. "You are slooww .. You are tooo slowww ... You are retarded ..."
Recently, I hit a rock bottom low in idiocracy. So low, so dark, the bee gave up and surrendered her life. Last week, a light-bulb flashed over my head for I found something. It was such an enlightening thought that it made my day. In fact, I spent the rest of the day happily and was energetic for a great work-out that night. "Happy man you are today," my co-workers noted after lunch. I would repeat a friend's favourite line, "life is beautiful." I, off-course, lied. The reason for my happy enlightenment was a gross disgusting bogey.
After lunch, I stopped by Dunkin Donuts for re-caffination. The lady at the speaker rattled a barely understandable, "I will be right with you." "All I need is a medium iced coffee," I thought, "but I am not in a hurry to go back to work." So, I did what any man does to entertain himself while waiting. I took my index and stuck it up my nose. Pick away. I was making some good progress up my nose when the lady came back, "How can I help you?" she said. "Can I have a medium iced coffee with skim milk and no sugar, please?" I replied. Flick, flick. back to my nose ... and here it was. Drive thru offers me the opportunity to pick my nose while talking to someone without disgusting anyone! VIOLA! EUREKA!
And here it is, my newly found wisdom setting in front me proving me handicapped.
In my 8th grade, my father listened to the teacher and easily laughed him off when we walked away. "Don't listen to him son. You are smarter than everyone," father said. I found what the teacher said outrageous. My vengeance plan included ruining every class he teaches, and ace every single test in his class. Being the nerd I am both goals were not so hard. I disrupted every class he taught by asking useless detailed questions about every single thing he said. My class-mates loved it, because he could never cover enough material to assign the regular homework.
Eventually, I aced his class. He on the other hand was fired a year later when he bruised a classmate disciplining him.
Currently, I practice my new hobby, picking while conversing, every day enroute to work.
1 - Vail, CO: April 2nd - 5th.
2 - LA, CA: April 10th - 12th
3 - Home: April 30th - May 16th
4 - Atlanta, GA: Weekdays throughout June.
TBD ...
5 - Cleveland (Part-II)
6 - Chicago
7 - NYC
8 - D.C
9 - Seatle: May 29th - 31st (not confirmed)
