In high school, we disregarded teachers sayings and opinions in a what-do-they-know attitude, which was an excused attitude provided some of the teachers' clear idiocracy. I remember when one time a teacher said, "the more you learn, the more ignorant you become." It struck me as an outrageous statement. Some logic fallacy is all over this statement, I thought. When I protested condescendingly, the teacher said, "the deeper you dive into an area of the more your feeling of ignorance increases." I couldn't argue it as I felt it being kind of true. Of course, I did not show my agreement, and mocked the statement later.

It only took little reading to realize the ignorance. My ignorance.

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I did not go on a year long world trip finding myself. I did, though, spend three days on beautiful beaches listening to the sea's random rhythms; sprint across Vienna's streets to catch the train; drive at a whooping 156mph on the highway; read a book in Munich's gardens; watched the Euro2008 final with 60k+ Germans in the Olympic Stadium; witnessed, first hand, some of Bavaria's old traditions. I did not solve the world's poverty, global warming, oil crisis ... not even my own brain crisis. But I re-grouped.

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-- What do I do? What should I do? This is horrendous. I can't put up with it ... What?
- There is nothing you can do ... just be patient.
-- No ... there must be something to do. No way ... this can't be. This is not meant to be ... it shouldn't be like this. It's just not ... I gotta do something about it.
- Ya ... be patient.
-- I can't ... I need something TO DO.
- Ya .. DO be patient.

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May be when I step foot back on the ground it will poke. It always does poke then. Though, something is wrong; usually it would be burning by now. It already been hours.
Finally, it is about time I get to walk on the ground. Right foot down ... left foot down ... walk slowly ... nothing ... I feel nothing. Ok ... may be I need to walk a little more. Get my legs going. See the people, and talk to them.
Still ... nothing .. just blank. I feel blank. Why didn't it feel anything? It is the same hallways, windows, floor, walls, ...
Ok, the doors are my last resort. Here it is ... the sun .. the heat ... the smell of the air ... it should poke now ...

blank
blank

dead

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Back to Austin. Back to the ruins of a kingdom.