The Last of ...

"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans." Standing now at the exit gates of my college life, slowly crossing it while looking back at it, that quote is all I could think of.
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The last couple of weeks were, indeed, the last of many things with which moments, places, emotions, and people's faces rushed in to the forefront of the memory lines creating early nostalgia. I am incapable of faithfully translating the feelings of the past two weeks in words. Furthermore, the symbolic significance of such a milestone is ineffable. It is symbolic for what I feel sums up the last five years if not the more than that.
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I feel as if college was a sight seeing tour where I am a passenger in a car and the driver driving slowly, in the directions of my desire, while I am watching around. When I am done with the tour, the driver will drop me off at the train station. I have to choose my train, for it will go to the end of the route so quickly that I won't notice that it is the wrong train. Also, it is much harder to change routes. Regardless, the train goes a lot faster than my sightseeing driver. Faster than my ability to absorb my surroundings.
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The last two weeks I slipt into a not so unfamiliar mood, the bubble mood. It's a weird place to be. You see everything around you, appreciate it, understand it, but simply don't desire to join it and prefer to observe and reflect upon it. I kind of hate this mood for I miss out on many things. But the older the branch is, the harder it is to mold. One has to learn to live with it's weird shape, and build his garden around that weirdly shape branch.

I can't say that I have not been myself, because this bubble mood is a trademark of me. But I can say that it is a severe case of bubble mood. Couple of days ago, someone I know in the gym couldn't recognize me. He concluded the reasons to be equally split between my bald head and my missing smile.
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With all that is on my brain, I was not sad. I was reflecting on the years gone and life lessons learned until I realized that I have to say goodbyes. It made me really sad. I have a love/hate relation with goodbyes. I can't not say them; I need to say them. Though, saying them never grows old on you. They are always as uneasy as the first time you've ever had to do it.
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I have always said that I learn the most valuable things from the most unexpected people. So unexpected, even them wouldn't understand how I learned it from them. But they have to see it trough my eyes to understand. Honestly, it is one of the most intellect things I enjoy, looking beyond the lines, looking for the wisdom in everything. Wisdom is pushing it, but ... you get my point.

Four and a half years at UT, I had met many, many people. Some of them went to be that one person I once ran into, others became friends, brothers, and sisters. Regardless to say, I learned a lot from each person. I am grateful to them. I owe them, which makes goodbyes harder. As if I am in debt and can't let them leave without paying off the debt.
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A corporation sets it's goals based on growth and net profits. At the end of the year, it looks at its results and compares them to the goals. What if the goals change half way through? How can I judge success or failure if the grading rubric has changed? There is one rubric I know of that does not change, the divine rubric. The rubric that talks about what you did for that day after. Sadly, it has not been a success.
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