That aint no help

Back to that Ashraf phone call from the previous post. So, while talking to Ashraf, he says,"btw, we found the perfect girl for you, just let me know when you are ready." My immediate response was, "HELL NOOOO." A second or two of silence then I realized how inconsiderate from me it was to say that, since he is only trying to help. Damage control kicks in so I say, "No dude ... not thinking about that for LOOONG time now. we will talk iA later." He understood and the conversation moved on.

At this point of my life, even though I understand how insignificant in life a job, degree, and money, could be, all I want is to graduate and get a job. It's true my decisions now are clouded by a recent unsuccessful relationship; but, I know what I want, and I am gonna go for it.

As for these days, I try to keep myself busy. Talking to people is overrated. I am sick of talking to people about my problems. I am just me .. I have my own brain, and my own thoughts. I do what I wanna do, and if I screw up .. what is gonna happen!! .
Also, I am trying to revive an old philosophy SMILE ... yes .. there is a whole language of smiles, there are never two smiles that means the same !
These recent smiles are that wise man smile
well .. it's not really really wise man smile .. it's I am in a denial state and don't wanna really smile but out of niceness and not exaggerating and looking solid i will smile and pretend to be wise man who bends over and let the storm pass by him.
if it's a real happy smile it means I am a heartless bastard ... if it's a real wise man smile then it means I am in total acceptance and peace with everything happened, but I am not. It hurts, and the questions of coulda, shoulda, woulda keep surfacing. Nevertheless, I've forever moved based on that feeling-in-the-guts. So, it's making it a little easier that the feeling-in-the-guts is not bothering so much.