Stupendous Theory #4309

After a long semester of shugging along classes and trying to get through, I realised the main source of my frustration; I don't do my own work any more!

Stupendous Theory #4309: I am not a perfectionist; however, I like to have an overall understanding of what I am doing, which takes me a tremendous amount of time, which leads me to copy off the HWs, which leads to a huge amount of frustration, which leads me to doing extremely bad in all of my classes!!

Last night, at the SGT banquet, I realised that I have not been a good rep for Muslims. Ever since I came here I was conscious about being a good rep for Muslims, and always making dua that if I am not a good muslim to not be a really bad muslim that scares off ppl from Islam. May Allah help me to be a good muslim, consequently a good rep.

I put some chicken parmesan in my plate. After eating a little bit of it, I realised there is something on the chicken. What is that? crap .. that's ham. I asked the waitress to confirm, and surely she did confirm it. She said,"is that good or bad?" I said, "uh .. bad." She started apologizing, but I said that it's not her fault and such .. it is ok ... blah blah ... I just ask her for a new plate, and ask her to take my plate away.

Thinking about it now, I wont have done the same thing 4 years ago. I think I would have put the food aside in my plate and then put in some of that vegetarian food, and let the whole thing just pass!

Well, I didn't do that last night. I felt kind of strong. I mean it was not a big issue, but the fact that it happened, and I was not conscious about what everyone else on the table think made me a little bit glad.

Then, Rebbecca setting next to Steven asked him what was happening. I saw him kinna whispering to her. I am not sure what he said. I think he said, "he is muslim," or may be he said "he doesn't ear pork." Either way, I wanted to tell Steven, "Why are you whispering? don't have to..."

Anyways ... In the harsh moments, one always go back to Allah swt. I felt bad about that ... and I was afraid being the person that Allah talks about in the quran that he only goes to Allah in harsh moments, only. But even If I am not as close to Allah wt all the time, which I should be, I shouldn't feel embarrassed to go back to Allah swt in the harsh moments.

Finals are upon us ... there are sooo many things I want to do in the break ... I have the GRE on 24th, which I have not been studying for. I am gonna cram for it a week before it. But before that, I am gonna just chilll....