Fajer ..

Do you know these days that you can tell right when you wake up that they will be messed up? When you do not feel right the whole day,When nothing goes right, When you can't find your keys, shoes, or that shirt you were planning to wear, When you can't add 3+3, in a nutshell you don't feel yourself! I know exactly when these days happen to me. I know by theory and experience.

Fajer ... Praying Fajer on time. I am not kidding. The day that I miss Fajer on time, the day is gone. Then, why do I miss it sometimes? it is not in my hand, I don't wake up! I really don't wake up. I have not wake up to Fajer this whole past week. It is annoying the hell outta me, and I wanna do something about it. I set up the alarms, but doesn't happen. I can blame the time change; I can blame the alarm; I can blame school ... but just I am responsible for that ... only myself! Those days I don't get to do anything, seriously. Even studying doesn't go well. urghhhghhgg I needa do something ...

Beside that, there is this thing that always annoyed me, but I never knew what to do about it. Finally, I know exactly what I need to do. I have a vision of a project. I want to say that the project will be my baby, but that is selfish. Truly the project is not about me, but I want it for my resume, the-day-after resume. The resume that I will show to Allah swt. I know I have not been doing great. I know I have not been right on track. I know that there is a crack getting larger and larger in myself. But I really see it very clear for this project. Honestly, it is the first time that I see my intentions that clear. I know that Allah swt will reward good intentions with successful work, whether on this world or the day after standards. But when I look at this project,the planned goals for it, and what I want it to be, I think that this is such a great honor, and I aint good enough to deserve it. I am just making dua that Allah swt give it to me because of his generosity rather than that I deserve it. I don't deserve it, I admit.
Inshallah ...