Teaching

I should be tutoring those kids. And yes, by those kids I mean those group of freshman students that are setting here doing the same thing that I was doing three and a half year ago. I look at them and my brain sends mixed messages.

When I was in their shoes, it was a different story for me. Everything around me was strange, and I was struggling to fit in. I guess the struggle is over, not that I fit anywhere, but I reached a tranquil balance between all the worlds I live in and I just learned to live with it! Still, sometimes I look at people around me and think how did I end up between those English speaking creatures. Not that they are the eye of the devil, the most lovely thing in my life now is an English speaking beautiful person. But for seconds, that old mind of mine take over me and my eyes seems shocked of where I am, though, deep inside it's all clear and obvious.

Back to those kids, they are all doing their homeworks with very loud laughters. Is it cuz they haven't seen the worst of this department yet? or is it cuz they are really happy?
Or may be it's with us. We have changed, or better said, I have changed.

Why do I feel so frustrated with what I do? I had dreamed of changing the world, and I had dreamed of conquering the unrevealed of the engineering world, and I had dreamed of being the change and breaking all the cultural cycle around me. I have crashed many cycles, and many stereotypes, but one thing shot me down and I crashed. At least I know what it was ...

Teaching ... just to add to the never ending list of why I love teaching, when I teach it's not about me any more; it is about someone and something else! I even have to detach from my own thinking way to explain something. Also, teaching changes people. When you are a teacher you change people ... and that's the biggest change one can do to the world ...

It's 10.30 ... and I am off hours ... I can just go home or move away from them, but I cant. I do want to stay around here in case they need help. Though, I made it clear to just ask me if something is really not getting right with them, because I, too, have a homework to do!
May be that's part of my love to the prophet pbuh hadith "non of you is a believer until he loves to his brother what he loves to himself" and when I am doing a hw, I love to have a source of help next to me in case I get stuck! and when I study, I do like to have a beloved face around me to give me confidence and comfort when I get frustrated, bored, annoyed, or tired ...

Ok ... time to go do my HW : ))